How does one comfort someone who discovers through a "series of unfortunate events" ~ and not the children's novels ~ that a spouse is "window shopping" on a variety of single's sites? The married person (and this could easily apply to someone engaged or in a (stated) committed relationship) claims that because they (wrong pronoun usage, I know; deal with it) haven't "hooked up" with someone - ever - from any of the sites that it's not "a problem". When does "not a big deal" become a "big deal"?
How is pursuing anyone other than your spouse not a big deal? For years, I have heard people ~ both men and women ~ state "Just because you're on a diet doesn't mean you can't read the menu," and I understand what they mean. Wouldn't it be logical, then, that there are those who would defend that perusing single's sites is no different than merely "reading the menu." I mean, there is no intention of actually pursuing a "real" relationship, right? I'm sure some folks can look at athletes or actors and actresses and have no problem "reading the menu." Is it possible that "reading the menu" actually creates a desire to order?
It's not that I don't understand how it happens. I'm someone who knows how easily a moment can turn dangerous, trust me. I've been there, more entangled than I ever thought possible, and it's costly. A loneliness, for whatever reason, sets in, and it's easy to be distracted. I wonder, though, if that's different than pursuing a distraction. Is there a difference when it's an ambush versus a planned attack?
The thought of it makes me heartsick. There are no words of comfort that seem to make sense. There is no way to offer, "But, I'm sure - insert name here- loves you," since the response to that is, of course, "If -insert name here- really loved me, this wouldn't be happening."
I know for certain it's possible to love someone, or at least say you do, and not be vigilant about guarding and protecting your thought life, your internet life, your free time when the spouse is away on business, or out with the guys/girls.
And, then, how does the offender go about changing the behavior that has already so deeply wounded? How does the offended truly trust again without wondering every moment if someone else is the object of attention, no matter the form it takes, and no matter whether the object actually even knows about it? Goodness, if Johnny Depp had ANY idea just how many of my friends love that he's on the "menu".....
So, my thoughts come here because there are no words soothing enough to be the balm that heals that wound. God will have to do that for both spouses, and He can. He can be the protector of a woman's heart when she finds out her husband has repeatedly done"trial runs" on singles sites thinking she will never find out because profiles are "hidden"(and how deceitful is that?). He can heal a husband who learns his wife is corresponding with an old flame she never quite got over, and still flirts with ("harmlessly", of course, exchanging pictures and having conversations about common interests). He can be the source of accountability when hearts are tender towards love.
How does one comfort someone in this situation? I wish I knew.... and, so I pray. Pray that God will convict; pray that God will comfort; pray that God will illuminate; pray that God will humble; pray that God will heal. I listen, and I wait. I cry, and I pray. I hope, and I grieve...... alongside a very wounded heart.
No comments:
Post a Comment