Some days I feel like filler. You know... just someone to talk to until the person someone really wants to talk to comes along by either showing up, or calling, or logging in...
Or I feel like the person who gets the leftovers, if there even are any, of someone's time. Sometimes I'm blown off completely for some better offer, or someone more exciting. I don't like the way my heart feels when I'm filler.
It's not that I want to be the center of attention - I don't even like the "all eyes on me" thing - and for a myriad of reasons - but, man, it sure would be nice to be sought out, looked for.
The very grown up, mature, and remotely wise person inside of me says I'm lame and to get over myself. The other remotely wise part of me says that I'm over tired and have been working too much and too many long days (let's not even go there).
The rest of me says hokey doodle... and this is why:
I don't want to sound over-religious, because if you know me at all, that's not how I live or move or have my being. But, it is in Christ that I do, and how often have I allowed Him to be nothing more than filler? Far too often, and His heart is broken, and I caused it.
And, once again, I am incredibly grateful for grace....
1 comment:
So true... I'm guilty as charged. Not for using you as a filler, but God. Yikes. I need to be accountable in this area.
...and I have sought you out, and found you, and we've had many wonderful talks. Some of them were possibly one-sided whining, but it's good to know that we have each other to share our hearts with. :)
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