Nose Hair Nightmares

I'm not sure I like webcams, especially mine. Don't get me wrong: I love being able to see someone's facial expressions and the little nuances of smiles and eyebrows that seem to say things that typing just can't convey. I thoroughly enjoy being able to talk to someone long distance without a phone bill (call me frugal- it saves money for the road trips). It's my webcam I have a problem with. It seems to have a mind of its own: zooming in at will and displaying me on someone else's screen larger than life, not to mention its being incredibly retro and going "silent movie" mode. No doubt this is a result of operator error.
But, good grief, there is a reason I don't get very close to the mirror in the first place. To make it worse, apparently I have no warning as to when this "zooming" is going to happen, meaning I could have my head thrown back in a full on laugh and my "webcam recipient" is now becoming way more familiar with my nostrils than I have ever been myself, and perhaps even causing nose hair nightmares consisting of huge nostrils that have hair tendrils that equal "Little Shop of Horrors'" venus flytrap on steroids. This cannot be good for domestic relations, or international ones either. I'm thinking I'll practice the Wilson method of webcamming: eyes only and an ugly hat, and count on being charming enough in person.