Today I cried...

...and while this should not surprise anyone, it actually surprised me a bit. There I was, standing in church, worshipping with everyone else, and the band played the intro to "Holy, Holy, Holy" - not the hymn.

While I listened, the men on the praise team began to sing - only the men. And I began to weep. I had no clue that was coming and it took awhile to figure out why it happened. Yes, I was deep in worship; yes, the music was wonderful. But, it was something very different that hit me. It was the sound of men worshipping, leading in worship.

What I finally figured out was that the longing of my heart - though it is truly a heart in waiting - is to have the kind of relationship that worships - one that sings, one that prays, one that is led by a godly man. But, it was even better to know that it wasn't for me I cried, even though that longing is very real.

Just last night my son sat with tears streaming saying that his dad decides to move away just the time he needs him most. And he's right. No amount of spiritualizing the thought is taking that reality away. Of course, he and I both know that God wants to be his Father... to teach him how to be a man- wild at heart, and totally committed to Christ, but it sure would be nice if someone with skin on would step into my little man's world and walk the journey with him.

Listening to these men sing today..."we fall down, we lay our crowns at the feet of Jesus...." brought that prayer to the fore yet again, and with it came the tears. What an incredible gift God gave me in that today.