Past Lives

My new friend, Josh, made me laugh today. Hard. It all started at a baseball game on Friday night, which lasted a really long time I might add, so something had to amuse me...

There we sit, Josh one row and directly behind me, chatting away with the person sitting next to him about how much he doesn't like baseball. It gets better. I promise. He then goes on to say if someone were to throw a ball out on the field for him though, he'd chase it for hours (he meant a soccer ball). I, very carefully, and quietly, turned around and just looked at him for a minute and said, "I'm thinking maybe you were a dog in another life." What made it so funny was he tilted his head just like my retriever does when I make her think.

Of course I don't believe in past lives (one is plenty, thank you very much, and I'm so looking forward to the eternal one), but it just fit the situation sooooo very well. We laughed and moved on.

Later though, he made a bet with someone and shook on it. I, again, turned around, and after a moment said, "wow. you were a very well trained dog in your past life then, knowing how to shake and all...."

The best part happened late in the day today. After a nice round of email banter from his office to my classroom, I laughed harder than I had since earlier in the morning when I had yet another email banter (pre kids in the room...) about the proper salutation for a certain gentleman.

I finally explained to Josh that I don't really believe in luck or karma, nor past lives, but knowing him was causing some doubt in my iron- clad thought process. His response: "Well, you sure made it much easier to understand why I like to pee outside."

He is such a man. A funny one, I might add, and has the makings of a great friend. I will forgive him this once the dare of doing a cartwheel outside the ballpark at midnight with a thousand people watching.
Hey, it was dare. What's a girl to do? Sure as heck wasn't going to pee outside....

The Real Me

Natalie Grant

Foolish heart looks like we're here again
Same old game of plastic smile
Don't let anybody in
Hiding my heartache, will this glass house break ?
How much will they take before I'm empty?
Do I let it show, does anybody know?

Chorus: But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Cause you see the real me

Painted on, life is behind a mask
Self-inflicted circus clown
I'm tired of the song and dance
Living a charade, always on parade
What a mess I've made of my existence
But you love me even now
And still I see somehow

But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Cause you see the real me

Wonderful, beautiful is what you see
When you look at me
You're turning the tattered fabric of my life into
A perfect tapestry
I just wanna be me

But you see the real me
Hiding in my skin, broken from within
Unveil me completely
I'm loosening my grasp
There's no need to mask my frailty
Cause you see the real me

And you love me just as I am
Wonderful, beautiful is what you see
When you look at me


and the answer to the questions, "Am I captivating? Am I lovely?" is given in this: Zephaniah 3:17.
I am His and that is enough.

To Whom It May Concern

I am really looking forward to this... and O...

time to shop for a snorkel and some new goggles apparently. Guess I won't be taking lots of shoes.

does anyone know why?....

that when I try to upload a photo to the posting, it says it's uploaded but never shows up on the post? I'm seeing way too many words and not enough pictures. Wow. Sounds like I need some picture books for awhile. =) Any input would be greatly appreciated, since I'm getting annoyed a little. Might as well take care of it while I'm only annoyed a little....

Somebody's Prayin'

An old song performed by "Truth," and me a few times, came back into my brain tonight after a chat with a friend who is praying for me. What a gift.

Somebody's prayin' - I can feel it
Somebody's prayin' for me
Mighty hands are guiding me
To protect me from what I can't see
Lord, I believe
Lord, I believe
Somebody's prayin' for me

Angels are watching - I can feel it
Angels are watching over me
Weary miles ahead till I get home
Still, I'm safely kept before Your throne
Lord, I believe
Lord, I believe
Angels are watchin' over me

I've walked the barren wilderness when my pillow was a stone
And I've been through the darkest caverns where no light had ever shone
Still I went on cuz' there was someone who was down on their knees
And I thank you, Lord, for the people prayin' all this time, for me....

Somebody's prayin' - I can feel it
Somebody's prayin' for me
Mighty hands are guiding me to protect me from what I can't see
Lord, I believe
Lord, I believe
Somebody's prayin' for me

Somebody's prayin' for me

Enough

Chris Tomlin's words are ringing in my ears today:

You are my supply
my breath of life
and still more awesome than i know
You are my reward
worth living for
and still more awesome than i know

And all of You is more than enough for all of me
for every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
and all i have in You is more than enough

You're my sacrifice of greatest price
and still more awesome than I know
You're my coming King; You are everything
and still more awesome than I know

All of you is more than enough for all of me
for every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
and all i have in You is more than enough


Tis....

I am loved...

Tis a very good thing. Today was not the best of days for my physical/emotional world. I hate prednisone: I get weepy when I don't mean to, or even need to; but without it, I feel exhausted and I won't even spell out what happens to the rest of me.
I tried not to whine, truly, but there are just days when I can't keep up like I need to. I'm a fairly private sort when it comes to my personal life, but today I took a risk during lunch and even emailed a few friends to let them know I was in need of a hug (as if they could do anything about it), though (admittedly) my mind drifted to margaritas as well.
My girlfriends emailed sweet sentiments in the form of e-cards and cyber hugs(thanks to you all...)
This is what my guy friends did:
My friends Karl and Gayle made this great little typed maragarita glass with a hug in it... a hug-arita they called "very refreshing"

And then there's Nathan.... good old reliable Nathan - no wait, that's "Guys and Dolls".... not sure about the good or the old, but he is reliable, mostly.
Here is his contribution to my day:
"Hey there,
I talked to Max and he is bringing tons of Magic Limeade and his friend Jose over to the house after school. It might not make the problems go away, but it will certainly make you not care that they exist. Sorry you're having a rough one. I'm praying for you. And for Max. And for the two of you. And for world peace.
Nate"

How did he know my favorite movie is "Miss Congeniality?" lol...

Here's the bottom line: he knows I won't drink away my problems. His theory is it would take too long. This thinking is why he and I are such good friends, but I won't get into that here....

What I will say is this: Jose did not show up. There was no magic limeade and Max is invisible, well not really, but some days it would be good if he were...
But.... Nathan called a little while ago just to see how I am as the day has worn on and I've worn out. And he prayed for and with me on the phone, and he encouraged me with the great things God is doing in his world, and mine. And I cried, thankful and incredibly grateful for this friend who knows my heart, and for all the friends I choose to trust with the journey I find myself walking. I am a very blessed woman.
Now... about Jose....

A New Convert

Well, it's a good day. One of my students announced this morning that only after 8 days of school, she loves math for the first time ever. Man, I love this job. But, what she said about the conversion made my brain take a pause. Interesting concept for some of you that my brain would slow down at all, I know, but I do tend to think about things for awhile (not brood, just ponder...). Her reason for loving math now: I make it make sense. I don't expect her to get it just because I taught it once.

As some of you know, and others are finding out, my passion is to build relationships. More specifically, it is to build relationships with seeking women - to meet them in their world, as it were; to walk the journey of everyday life with them and pray for the opportunity to share the love of Christ and His life-changing, incredible grace.

So... I was thinking.... I wonder how often we build a relationship, expecting people to "get it" the first time. I certainly wouldn't be considered a very good teacher if I expected my students to just understand it because I taught it, or because I "said so." I want them to question, probe, explore, and find meaning in what is taught. The same is true for my relationships with women: I want them to question, probe, explore and find meaning in a relationship with Christ.

I want to be teacher and teachable, confidante and cheerleader, both in the classroom and in the rest of my world. Yay for the little girl willing to take a risk on math again, and yay for the women in my world willing to take risks to walk the journey with Jesus.

It's a good day.

Parched

My high school daughter walked home from her bus stop yesterday, at least most of the way. And 1.5 miles, and that's after being on a bus for an hour- a non-air conditioned bus I might add. Add to that the temperature of 110 f.
My point: she was parched, literally. Her eyes were glazed and her lips were dry and peeling, and she was sick. Even with all of the physical stress on her body, and her feeling so ill, her comment when I asked her why she didn't wait in the shade was "Well, Mom, I just wanted to try it on my own."
Man, I love analogies...they're what make me "get it" most often about the big issues of life.
We are all like this aren't we? We want to "try it on my own" and we end up parched. Dried out, glazed over, and sick to our stomachs. Of course, I'm not talking about the walk home from the bus stop. I'm talking about the decision to forge ahead into the unknown - on our own.
She tried it on her own again today, by the way, but this time she was prepared: she had extra water, a cool little spritzer fan that clips on her belt (thanks to her Papa), and has figured out how to look for the shady side of the street and stick to it. She was much better off today. Why? Because she was willing to take the help that is readily available to her. Sure, yesterday she was able to get her body back to almost normal after three bottles of water and a pedialyte freeze pop. But, she was still drained, emotionally and physically.
And it hit me: we can certainly "recover" from being parched by making sure we replenish afterwards as necessary, but it leaves us a little more weary in the process. On the other hand, if we figure out what we need to keep from getting parched in the first place, we realize that trying it "on our own" is rooted in self-reliance, one of the very things from which we as believers need to break away (which should sound familiar if you read cj's blog)....
I am incredibly grateful for the God who has sent me a letter about how to keep from being parched, and what to do when I find myself in that situation. My job is to hunger and thirst for righteousness and in that endeavour, dry and dusty as it may seem sometimes, there is water for my soul... plenty of it.

Nose Hair Nightmares

I'm not sure I like webcams, especially mine. Don't get me wrong: I love being able to see someone's facial expressions and the little nuances of smiles and eyebrows that seem to say things that typing just can't convey. I thoroughly enjoy being able to talk to someone long distance without a phone bill (call me frugal- it saves money for the road trips). It's my webcam I have a problem with. It seems to have a mind of its own: zooming in at will and displaying me on someone else's screen larger than life, not to mention its being incredibly retro and going "silent movie" mode. No doubt this is a result of operator error.
But, good grief, there is a reason I don't get very close to the mirror in the first place. To make it worse, apparently I have no warning as to when this "zooming" is going to happen, meaning I could have my head thrown back in a full on laugh and my "webcam recipient" is now becoming way more familiar with my nostrils than I have ever been myself, and perhaps even causing nose hair nightmares consisting of huge nostrils that have hair tendrils that equal "Little Shop of Horrors'" venus flytrap on steroids. This cannot be good for domestic relations, or international ones either. I'm thinking I'll practice the Wilson method of webcamming: eyes only and an ugly hat, and count on being charming enough in person.

Well, it's official...

My ex is moving out of the country. Well, at least out of this one and back to his homeland where his longtime girlfriend lives. Made for an interesting conversation today that ended up bringing up unsettled emotions and raw truth. The reality: he doesn't get it about me. He doesn't understand my heartbeat. Probably never has, poor guy, though he's not alone - of this I am sure.
No wonder he called me a "handful"; to him I'm sure I was. My guess is that I would seem that way to anyone who lives the "It's all about me being happy" thing. It's good to be happy. I'm all for it. But at what cost? (Please know there is a huge difference between contentment and happiness, which is another blog topic altogether). And this is what hit me: people whose perception is that their happiness is first and foremost are the ones who, very often, can't (or won't) see the cost, because to them, there is no cost if it's not one they themselves incur. Here's the rub: we all do it. On some level or another, we don't see the cost for our "happiness," our blessing. This afternoon served as a very painful and imminent reminder that the cost is paid, completely, sufficiently, and I, too often, make it all about me, hard as I try not to.
But for the grace of God go I...

My brain is full

Emotional Realm Note #349: analyze why the number 349 was chosen.

Emotional Realm Note #350: say thanks to the friend who has faithfully listened to me whine for the last week about my other emotional realm notes 1-348. It has to be at least that...

Emotional Realm Note #351: buy ice cream. it will fix things.

Emotional Realm Note #352: some people really do want to know how you are. Some of them I actually know. Lucky me. Truly.

Emotional Realm Note #353: use post its and forget the numbering system; it adds details,which equals stress for my spontaneous mind.

Emotional Realm Note #354: enough already.