So, you walk into a room and there is nowhere to sit. Every available seat is taken ~ either by a person, or someone's belongings. You wait for a minute to see if anyone will move, or notice, or offer. Nothing. The conversation picks up among those in the room, making it clear that you're either 1)unnoticed, or 2) unwelcome.
Oh, that we would understand the hurt we cause when we overlook the simplest of courtesies like "making room" for someone.....
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
When Words Are Not Enough
How does one comfort someone who discovers through a "series of unfortunate events" ~ and not the children's novels ~ that a spouse is "window shopping" on a variety of single's sites? The married person (and this could easily apply to someone engaged or in a (stated) committed relationship) claims that because they (wrong pronoun usage, I know; deal with it) haven't "hooked up" with someone - ever - from any of the sites that it's not "a problem". When does "not a big deal" become a "big deal"?
How is pursuing anyone other than your spouse not a big deal? For years, I have heard people ~ both men and women ~ state "Just because you're on a diet doesn't mean you can't read the menu," and I understand what they mean. Wouldn't it be logical, then, that there are those who would defend that perusing single's sites is no different than merely "reading the menu." I mean, there is no intention of actually pursuing a "real" relationship, right? I'm sure some folks can look at athletes or actors and actresses and have no problem "reading the menu." Is it possible that "reading the menu" actually creates a desire to order?
It's not that I don't understand how it happens. I'm someone who knows how easily a moment can turn dangerous, trust me. I've been there, more entangled than I ever thought possible, and it's costly. A loneliness, for whatever reason, sets in, and it's easy to be distracted. I wonder, though, if that's different than pursuing a distraction. Is there a difference when it's an ambush versus a planned attack?
The thought of it makes me heartsick. There are no words of comfort that seem to make sense. There is no way to offer, "But, I'm sure - insert name here- loves you," since the response to that is, of course, "If -insert name here- really loved me, this wouldn't be happening."
I know for certain it's possible to love someone, or at least say you do, and not be vigilant about guarding and protecting your thought life, your internet life, your free time when the spouse is away on business, or out with the guys/girls.
And, then, how does the offender go about changing the behavior that has already so deeply wounded? How does the offended truly trust again without wondering every moment if someone else is the object of attention, no matter the form it takes, and no matter whether the object actually even knows about it? Goodness, if Johnny Depp had ANY idea just how many of my friends love that he's on the "menu".....
So, my thoughts come here because there are no words soothing enough to be the balm that heals that wound. God will have to do that for both spouses, and He can. He can be the protector of a woman's heart when she finds out her husband has repeatedly done"trial runs" on singles sites thinking she will never find out because profiles are "hidden"(and how deceitful is that?). He can heal a husband who learns his wife is corresponding with an old flame she never quite got over, and still flirts with ("harmlessly", of course, exchanging pictures and having conversations about common interests). He can be the source of accountability when hearts are tender towards love.
How does one comfort someone in this situation? I wish I knew.... and, so I pray. Pray that God will convict; pray that God will comfort; pray that God will illuminate; pray that God will humble; pray that God will heal. I listen, and I wait. I cry, and I pray. I hope, and I grieve...... alongside a very wounded heart.
How is pursuing anyone other than your spouse not a big deal? For years, I have heard people ~ both men and women ~ state "Just because you're on a diet doesn't mean you can't read the menu," and I understand what they mean. Wouldn't it be logical, then, that there are those who would defend that perusing single's sites is no different than merely "reading the menu." I mean, there is no intention of actually pursuing a "real" relationship, right? I'm sure some folks can look at athletes or actors and actresses and have no problem "reading the menu." Is it possible that "reading the menu" actually creates a desire to order?
It's not that I don't understand how it happens. I'm someone who knows how easily a moment can turn dangerous, trust me. I've been there, more entangled than I ever thought possible, and it's costly. A loneliness, for whatever reason, sets in, and it's easy to be distracted. I wonder, though, if that's different than pursuing a distraction. Is there a difference when it's an ambush versus a planned attack?
The thought of it makes me heartsick. There are no words of comfort that seem to make sense. There is no way to offer, "But, I'm sure - insert name here- loves you," since the response to that is, of course, "If -insert name here- really loved me, this wouldn't be happening."
I know for certain it's possible to love someone, or at least say you do, and not be vigilant about guarding and protecting your thought life, your internet life, your free time when the spouse is away on business, or out with the guys/girls.
And, then, how does the offender go about changing the behavior that has already so deeply wounded? How does the offended truly trust again without wondering every moment if someone else is the object of attention, no matter the form it takes, and no matter whether the object actually even knows about it? Goodness, if Johnny Depp had ANY idea just how many of my friends love that he's on the "menu".....
So, my thoughts come here because there are no words soothing enough to be the balm that heals that wound. God will have to do that for both spouses, and He can. He can be the protector of a woman's heart when she finds out her husband has repeatedly done"trial runs" on singles sites thinking she will never find out because profiles are "hidden"(and how deceitful is that?). He can heal a husband who learns his wife is corresponding with an old flame she never quite got over, and still flirts with ("harmlessly", of course, exchanging pictures and having conversations about common interests). He can be the source of accountability when hearts are tender towards love.
How does one comfort someone in this situation? I wish I knew.... and, so I pray. Pray that God will convict; pray that God will comfort; pray that God will illuminate; pray that God will humble; pray that God will heal. I listen, and I wait. I cry, and I pray. I hope, and I grieve...... alongside a very wounded heart.
Friday, June 03, 2011
Humbled
"Just wanted to share the wonderful, wise, insightful thoughts of one of the truest heroes I've ever known. Awesome stuff... and there is a great, true story of adventure, white-knuckle dangers, tear-jerking heartbreak, and outrageous laugh-out-loud joy behind every one of her thoughts here. Really inspiring!"
A pastor-friend of mine posted this on FB after reading my "What I Know for Sure" entry. Since he was witness to a good number of the events that prompted the learning of the last decade, his words were some of the kindest I've heard in a long time. Beyond being encouraged, I found myself very humbled. I do not see myself as a hero at all. I couldn't agree more that it's a "story of adventure, white-knuckle dangers, and tear-jerking heartbreak..."
It's words like these that cause me to stop and ponder the journey I've walked, and to be reminded again that my willingness to share it may very well encourage someone else. And, that is is what prompts the response of "outrageous laugh-out-loud joy," making every single moment of the last 10 years worth it all.
A pastor-friend of mine posted this on FB after reading my "What I Know for Sure" entry. Since he was witness to a good number of the events that prompted the learning of the last decade, his words were some of the kindest I've heard in a long time. Beyond being encouraged, I found myself very humbled. I do not see myself as a hero at all. I couldn't agree more that it's a "story of adventure, white-knuckle dangers, and tear-jerking heartbreak..."
It's words like these that cause me to stop and ponder the journey I've walked, and to be reminded again that my willingness to share it may very well encourage someone else. And, that is is what prompts the response of "outrageous laugh-out-loud joy," making every single moment of the last 10 years worth it all.
Thursday, June 02, 2011
What I Know for Sure
not much.....
Ok, maybe I've learned a few things in the last decade.
1) Life is hard, but God is good.
2) Choosing love isn't easy, but it's worth it. Sometimes it's really hard, and may not seem worth it, but it is.
3) That guy who offers to carpool to work with you should be deeply committed to his wife or you should say "no."
4) If you base your value on validation of any kind from anyone other God you're gonna end up disappointed.
5) Women who bash men, even subtly, will stay single a lot longer than they probably want to.
6) Married people who look online at anyone else in whatever way for whatever reason, wound their spouses in the most devastating way. And, their spouses know.... in their guts, they know. And if you think they'll never find out, you're wrong.
7) Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.
8) It's worth it to figure out how the people you love feel loved and then do those things.
9) You find out what you're capable of surviving when you think you can't survive what you're facing.
10) God still allows miracles. We should pay better attention to noticing them.
11) Children have a great way of putting things in better perspective, and it's not just because their eyesight is better.
12) Teenagers, when given the chance, are wise and wonderful, while uncertain and longing for direction.
13) Being authentic is not always popular, but it's the only way I'm willing to live.
14) Who you are and what you do when you think no one is watching is who you really are.
15) Trusting God is harder than it should be, until it becomes more simple than you ever thought it could be.
16) Friends who are offended and don't forgive when forgiveness is truly sought are not really friends and probably never were.
17) Sometimes change that is forced up on you ends up being the best thing that could happen.
18) Pursuing excellence is different than being perfect.
19) Silence can be unbelievably loud.
20) Prayer makes a difference. Always. Even when we can't see it.
Ok, maybe I've learned a few things in the last decade.
1) Life is hard, but God is good.
2) Choosing love isn't easy, but it's worth it. Sometimes it's really hard, and may not seem worth it, but it is.
3) That guy who offers to carpool to work with you should be deeply committed to his wife or you should say "no."
4) If you base your value on validation of any kind from anyone other God you're gonna end up disappointed.
5) Women who bash men, even subtly, will stay single a lot longer than they probably want to.
6) Married people who look online at anyone else in whatever way for whatever reason, wound their spouses in the most devastating way. And, their spouses know.... in their guts, they know. And if you think they'll never find out, you're wrong.
7) Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.
8) It's worth it to figure out how the people you love feel loved and then do those things.
9) You find out what you're capable of surviving when you think you can't survive what you're facing.
10) God still allows miracles. We should pay better attention to noticing them.
11) Children have a great way of putting things in better perspective, and it's not just because their eyesight is better.
12) Teenagers, when given the chance, are wise and wonderful, while uncertain and longing for direction.
13) Being authentic is not always popular, but it's the only way I'm willing to live.
14) Who you are and what you do when you think no one is watching is who you really are.
15) Trusting God is harder than it should be, until it becomes more simple than you ever thought it could be.
16) Friends who are offended and don't forgive when forgiveness is truly sought are not really friends and probably never were.
17) Sometimes change that is forced up on you ends up being the best thing that could happen.
18) Pursuing excellence is different than being perfect.
19) Silence can be unbelievably loud.
20) Prayer makes a difference. Always. Even when we can't see it.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Sticks and Stones....
I've been thinking about the old saying. For as long as I can remember, every time I heard it, even as a child, something didn't sit right. "Names" (aka criticism) DID hurt me. They still do. Oh, I wish I could say that I've learned to "let it go", to understand that "hurt people hurt people".
When my daughter was young, she was given a book ~ You Are Special ~ by Max Lucado, which tells the story of a wooden person, called a Wemmick and named Punchinello, who is learning to find his identity through his maker, not from what others think of him or how they judge him. Worthy Wemmicks get stars stuck on them; unworthy Wemmicks get dots. Lucia, the Wemmick who is deeply connected to her maker, has neither "sticking" to her. Both fall off.
It didn't take me long to understand its message (nor to start reading it to my students on the first day of school), and, even though I "get it", I don't always "own it". What took longer to figure out is why...
Words matter to me ~ a lot. Words of affirmation is one of my love languages. "I appreciate you." "I enjoy you." "You're beautiful." "You amaze me." The list goes on... =) It's why I love getting notes and cards: the words, plus the time it took to make it or choose it, send it....It's also why I've kept the cards that come with the flowers and some of the emails Rod has sent....very happy sigh....words....
I've always joked that words of affirmation are an inexpensive love language. My dad's love language was gift giving. God knew that I would need a different love language because He knew I'd be a teacher and my income would not support that gift language very well.
While it's inexpensive to give words of affirmation, words of criticism and/or discouragement are costly, at least to me. Call me over-sensitive (it wouldn't be the first time), but it makes sense that if I feel loved with positive words, negative words drain the love tank. The positive stay with me....so do the negative.
I'm learning, still, to find my identity in who made me, not in what others say to, or about, me. One thing that remains: it's not easy. But, it is worth it.
Maybe if I were a Wemmick and not a woman, I wouldn't struggle so much. Then again, being wired the way I am, I'm pretty sure I would. Could be why my son suggested that he, my daughter, and I all get "matching" tattoos: a dot falling off.
I'm in.
When my daughter was young, she was given a book ~ You Are Special ~ by Max Lucado, which tells the story of a wooden person, called a Wemmick and named Punchinello, who is learning to find his identity through his maker, not from what others think of him or how they judge him. Worthy Wemmicks get stars stuck on them; unworthy Wemmicks get dots. Lucia, the Wemmick who is deeply connected to her maker, has neither "sticking" to her. Both fall off.
It didn't take me long to understand its message (nor to start reading it to my students on the first day of school), and, even though I "get it", I don't always "own it". What took longer to figure out is why...
Words matter to me ~ a lot. Words of affirmation is one of my love languages. "I appreciate you." "I enjoy you." "You're beautiful." "You amaze me." The list goes on... =) It's why I love getting notes and cards: the words, plus the time it took to make it or choose it, send it....It's also why I've kept the cards that come with the flowers and some of the emails Rod has sent....very happy sigh....words....
I've always joked that words of affirmation are an inexpensive love language. My dad's love language was gift giving. God knew that I would need a different love language because He knew I'd be a teacher and my income would not support that gift language very well.
While it's inexpensive to give words of affirmation, words of criticism and/or discouragement are costly, at least to me. Call me over-sensitive (it wouldn't be the first time), but it makes sense that if I feel loved with positive words, negative words drain the love tank. The positive stay with me....so do the negative.
I'm learning, still, to find my identity in who made me, not in what others say to, or about, me. One thing that remains: it's not easy. But, it is worth it.
Maybe if I were a Wemmick and not a woman, I wouldn't struggle so much. Then again, being wired the way I am, I'm pretty sure I would. Could be why my son suggested that he, my daughter, and I all get "matching" tattoos: a dot falling off.
I'm in.
Monday, May 30, 2011
A Time to Write
Ok....so it's not a biblical principle, but that doesn't mean it's not true. Sometimes, for some of us, thoughts bubble up inside and need to find their way out: thoughts that encourage us; thoughts that plague us; questions that provoke us; concerns that consume us.
I'm keenly aware that not everyone ponders to the depths that I do. Being wired to be a deeply feeling thinker is not always easy, either, and I'm not just talking about myself. There are times I wish I didn't read between the lines or have that "gut" feeling that proves the biblical principle that "out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." It would definitely be easier on the people in my world.
Those who do share this "intensity" of thought need an outlet and find it in a variety of ways. Some play music, some create art, others exercise. I write. Let me rephrase that: I NEED to start writing again. Re-reading some of my blogs helps me see where I've been, where I keep looping around and need to (quite frankly) make some progress.
I'm keenly aware that not everyone ponders to the depths that I do. Being wired to be a deeply feeling thinker is not always easy, either, and I'm not just talking about myself. There are times I wish I didn't read between the lines or have that "gut" feeling that proves the biblical principle that "out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks." It would definitely be easier on the people in my world.
Those who do share this "intensity" of thought need an outlet and find it in a variety of ways. Some play music, some create art, others exercise. I write. Let me rephrase that: I NEED to start writing again. Re-reading some of my blogs helps me see where I've been, where I keep looping around and need to (quite frankly) make some progress.
Saturday, March 05, 2011
She's Baaack.....
Last post: 2007. Who knew I could disappear and no one would notice. I'm not surprised, though.
What I have decided is that I need to write. I'm wired to think, ponder, wonder.....and it means I will write. What? When? Who knows....but, I will write.
And, perhaps, I'll be able to fill in the gap of the last few years. Or not.....
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Longing...
I was ambushed this morning when I woke up -emotionally. And, no, I didn't start crying; but, I did start thinking... and we all know what that means.
I'm not sure where it came from... perhaps the fact that there is a lot going on and it all falls on me to get it done. To be honest, I can handle it most of the time, but man...there are days... and this must be one of them.
Seems lately I'm noticed but not known. Or maybe I just don't go out enough to know the difference. And, "out" for me means going to Lowe's to pick up the blinds, hole filler and flowers to plant. I haven't had a real date for a really, really (add as many as you can say 5 times fast without stuttering) long time. I've considered waving my hanky a couple of times, but it appears that a checkered flag would be required and I'm just not that into making myself noticed. =)
I'm not sure where it came from... perhaps the fact that there is a lot going on and it all falls on me to get it done. To be honest, I can handle it most of the time, but man...there are days... and this must be one of them.
The movie "The Notebook" keeps playing in my mind. I LOVED that book long before the movie was ever made. The song "Walking Her Home," recorded by Mark Schulz, is the mirror of that book/movie and was playing this morning as my daughter and I were in the car. Great, just what I needed. or not.
And the big deal of it all is that I want that kind of love and don't have it. never did. I know: who doesn't? One time I heard someone tell the story of someone who was "alone for three whole years after his divorce," and how hard that was... I know there are those who have never married who long for that companionship wait so incredibly long for it, but it seems the older I get and the longer I've been single (almost double that three years' experience mentioned), the more I wonder if I'm just invisible in some way, or many....just someone admired for being able to hang ceiling fans and comfort hurting teenagers, listen and laugh with, but not someone to pursue.
Seems lately I'm noticed but not known. Or maybe I just don't go out enough to know the difference. And, "out" for me means going to Lowe's to pick up the blinds, hole filler and flowers to plant. I haven't had a real date for a really, really (add as many as you can say 5 times fast without stuttering) long time. I've considered waving my hanky a couple of times, but it appears that a checkered flag would be required and I'm just not that into making myself noticed. =)
Still, I will choose to trust God in the middle of it all. I will continue to be both the "honey" and the "do" on my "honeydo" list. I will be mom and dad, nurturer and disciplinarian, breadwinner and homemaker, completely dependent on the provision, strength, mercy and grace of Christ, without which I wouldn't have a clue how to cope. I will choose to do the right thing and trust that He "knows the plans He has for me...plans to prosper and not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11-13.
Knowing Christ is one thing. Choosing to surrender to Him in everything is something else entirely. I'm finding that surrendering the longings is the hardest of all; and yet, I have a pretty good idea that's the whole point....
Sunday, May 13, 2007
The time has come...
My son, who spent the entire week minus Friday in bed, had a life changing event on Friday evening. It was the first day back at school after three days of sleeping, one evening in the ER and one day of being crabby on his way back into the public realm. And, he was invited to attend a college softball game with our school girls' team. Last minute, end of the day, on the way to the car kind of invitation. I let him go... there were, after all, two other guys going and a male teacher,in addition to a van load of giggling girls and their coach. He had a blast. Came in the door smiling from ear to ear, his life forever changed: he had gotten the phone number of a girl...and not one from our school. A cute little 8th grader from all the way across the city. All the details of this meeting and exchange are being held in secrecy amongst a group of 8th graders. I'm not even going to try to figure it out....
One of the things I love about my son is that he is charming, and he is wise - he didn't give her our number because he said he doesn't want her calling here all the time (now THAT is hopeful... LOL).
When I got to thinking about it, I realized that this is a great opportunity to teach him how to treat a woman, however young she is. I think Nate is getting ready to be put on speed dial for whole new reasons.
My boy is becoming a man. It's time, and I'm ok with it, actually enjoying this part of the journey. God is good.
One of the things I love about my son is that he is charming, and he is wise - he didn't give her our number because he said he doesn't want her calling here all the time (now THAT is hopeful... LOL).
When I got to thinking about it, I realized that this is a great opportunity to teach him how to treat a woman, however young she is. I think Nate is getting ready to be put on speed dial for whole new reasons.
My boy is becoming a man. It's time, and I'm ok with it, actually enjoying this part of the journey. God is good.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Cooties
We're working on poetry in writing. We started with rhyming couplets today and here are some of the poems we wrote together (me and three classes of 5th graders). We also wrote about Dr. Brown, who is my doctor who graciously came to speak to my class last week. But, I won't publish what we said about him. I still need a good doctor. =)
Aliens
Green and slimy, short and bald
This is what ET is called.
Wounded finger, homesick being
Bike riding wonder: is this what I'm seeing?
What To Write
I could write about the skies
Or I could write about my eyes.
I could write about my summer
Or I could write about my hummer.
I could write about my nose
Or I could write about my toes.
I could write about my sheep
But, really, I would rather sleep.
Cooties
Strange new buggies, floating wild
Something's happening to this child
Lovestruck, and scary guys
I really can't believe my eyes.
I almost think I've got it made,
Cooties aren't real til 7th grade.
Teacher's Thoughts
All in all it's not a bad start
These poems all came from deep in their hearts.
Or not so much. It's hard to tell.
I may never know, and it's just as well.
Aliens
Green and slimy, short and bald
This is what ET is called.
Wounded finger, homesick being
Bike riding wonder: is this what I'm seeing?
What To Write
I could write about the skies
Or I could write about my eyes.
I could write about my summer
Or I could write about my hummer.
I could write about my nose
Or I could write about my toes.
I could write about my sheep
But, really, I would rather sleep.
Cooties
Strange new buggies, floating wild
Something's happening to this child
Lovestruck, and scary guys
I really can't believe my eyes.
I almost think I've got it made,
Cooties aren't real til 7th grade.
Teacher's Thoughts
All in all it's not a bad start
These poems all came from deep in their hearts.
Or not so much. It's hard to tell.
I may never know, and it's just as well.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Healing Rain - or 5 Days in Seattle
The whole time I was in WaRshington last week, it rained. All except the day I drove to British Columbia to have dinner and spend some time with friends (and what a grand time we had!).
More than once, I thought of this Michael W. Smith song... when I got to snuggle on the couch and read with a six (and a half!) year old who has Cystic Fibrosis ...when my precious friends sat and talked with me about this journey we call life and reminded me of some very simple truths that were blurry through my tears... when Nate and I spent time on the phone...when I watched the rain fall day after day over Puget Sound...when I cried for over an hour yesterday in my own little bit of "healing rain"...
and I have to admit, I'm sometimes more afraid than I want to be...still... I am grateful...
Healing rain is coming down
It's coming nearer to this old town
Rich and poor, weak and strong
It's bringing mercy, it won't be long
Healing rain is coming down
It's coming closer to the lost and found
Tears of joy, and tears of shame
Are washed forever in Jesus' name
Healing rain, it comes with fire
So let it fall and take us higher
Healing rain, I'm not afraid
To be washed in Heaven's rain
Lift your heads, let us return
To the mercy seat where time began
And in your eyes, I see the pain
Come soak this dry heart with healing rain
And only You, the Son of man
Can take a leper and let him stand
So lift your hands, they can be held
By someone greater, the great I Am
Healing rain, it comes with fire
So let it fall and take us higher
Healing rain, I'm not afraid
To be washed in Heaven's rain
To be washed in Heaven's rain...
Healing rain is falling down
Healing rain is falling down
I'm not afraid I'm not afraid...
More than once, I thought of this Michael W. Smith song... when I got to snuggle on the couch and read with a six (and a half!) year old who has Cystic Fibrosis ...when my precious friends sat and talked with me about this journey we call life and reminded me of some very simple truths that were blurry through my tears... when Nate and I spent time on the phone...when I watched the rain fall day after day over Puget Sound...when I cried for over an hour yesterday in my own little bit of "healing rain"...
and I have to admit, I'm sometimes more afraid than I want to be...still... I am grateful...
Healing rain is coming down
It's coming nearer to this old town
Rich and poor, weak and strong
It's bringing mercy, it won't be long
Healing rain is coming down
It's coming closer to the lost and found
Tears of joy, and tears of shame
Are washed forever in Jesus' name
Healing rain, it comes with fire
So let it fall and take us higher
Healing rain, I'm not afraid
To be washed in Heaven's rain
Lift your heads, let us return
To the mercy seat where time began
And in your eyes, I see the pain
Come soak this dry heart with healing rain
And only You, the Son of man
Can take a leper and let him stand
So lift your hands, they can be held
By someone greater, the great I Am
Healing rain, it comes with fire
So let it fall and take us higher
Healing rain, I'm not afraid
To be washed in Heaven's rain
To be washed in Heaven's rain...
Healing rain is falling down
Healing rain is falling down
I'm not afraid I'm not afraid...
Monday, February 26, 2007
More
... doctors, more bloodwork... but I made a doctor laugh today, more than once. More than one doctor, too. Some days are like that.
The great part of it all was that because Not so Little Man Anymore needed some bloodwork and a couple of knee xrays (and wow, I know why he's complaining so much now...), we got to spend the day together, talking, laughing, sharing the journey.
I loved today.
The great part of it all was that because Not so Little Man Anymore needed some bloodwork and a couple of knee xrays (and wow, I know why he's complaining so much now...), we got to spend the day together, talking, laughing, sharing the journey.
I loved today.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Adjustments
We're making some. Lots actually. Some more painful than others... like the one where a friend hurt my feelings, apologized and then just decided I didn't need his friendship (makes it easier for him, I guess) and bailed... like the one where the kids get off the phone with their dad and take three days to have a conversation without snapping, yelling or crying - just enough time to regroup before he calls again... like the friend who made a promise to not "disappear" from my life,again, and did anyway because I can't be something I'm not...like coming home after many hours of working, then fixing dinner, then helping a struggling student with 2 or more hours of homework, every day...like the myriad of doctors' appointments that seem to never end, and are rarely productive...like the tears I finally find time for when the house is quiet and stoicism exhausted.
adjustments... we'll make them, and we'll keep pressing on, grateful that our lives are incredibly blessed with the reminder that God has a plan for this little family of mine and that there are people who truly love us and tell us so; that regardless of the notion some have that it is somehow "less blessed" or "more messy" than someone else's, it is the life God is using to refine us, teach us, love us... and show us that the adjustments are new opportunities to trust His grace and incredible love toward us.
adjustments... we'll make them, and we'll keep pressing on, grateful that our lives are incredibly blessed with the reminder that God has a plan for this little family of mine and that there are people who truly love us and tell us so; that regardless of the notion some have that it is somehow "less blessed" or "more messy" than someone else's, it is the life God is using to refine us, teach us, love us... and show us that the adjustments are new opportunities to trust His grace and incredible love toward us.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Ode to a Friend
My friend, Nate, deserves some blog space.
Wow, this is plenty. =)
Wouldn't want him to get an ego over this.
p.s. Thanks, Nate, for reading, laughing, praying, sharing, exhorting, encouraging, and "being" with me. You're the B.O.M.B..... and the quintessential R.B.
Wow, this is plenty. =)
Wouldn't want him to get an ego over this.
p.s. Thanks, Nate, for reading, laughing, praying, sharing, exhorting, encouraging, and "being" with me. You're the B.O.M.B..... and the quintessential R.B.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Monday, December 04, 2006
Have you ever....
realized that you're an idiot?
yeah, me too. I hate when that happens.
Thankfully, tomorrow is a new day.
yeah, me too. I hate when that happens.
Thankfully, tomorrow is a new day.
Wednesday, November 29, 2006
Breath of Heaven
As a little girl, I was always a shepherd when our church did the nativity... seems they always picked the girly pretty girls to be Mary.... I didn't even get to be an angel... sheesh....
But, when I grew up, I had the incredible honour more than once to portray Mary, both for the nativity and for the crucifixion. What a privilege.
Enjoy this version, and Merry Christmas!
BREATH OF HEAVEN (Mary's Song)by Amy Grant
I have traveled many moonless nights
Cold and weary with a babe inside
And I wonder what I've done
Holy Father, You have come
And chosen me now
To carry Your Son
I am waiting in a silent prayer
I am frightened by the load I bear
In a world as cold as stone
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now
Be with me now
Breath of Heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven
Lighten my darkness
Pour over me Your holiness
For You are holy
Breath of Heaven
Do You wonder as You watch my face
If a wiser one should have had my place?
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of Your plan
Help me be strong
Help me be
Help me
Breath of Heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven
Lighten my darkness
Pour over me, Your holiness
For You are holy
...Breath of Heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven
Lighten my darkness
Pour over me Your holiness
For You are holy
Breath of Heaven....
Breath of Heaven....
Breath of Heaven....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LC3FGjVQbd8
But, when I grew up, I had the incredible honour more than once to portray Mary, both for the nativity and for the crucifixion. What a privilege.
Enjoy this version, and Merry Christmas!
BREATH OF HEAVEN (Mary's Song)by Amy Grant
I have traveled many moonless nights
Cold and weary with a babe inside
And I wonder what I've done
Holy Father, You have come
And chosen me now
To carry Your Son
I am waiting in a silent prayer
I am frightened by the load I bear
In a world as cold as stone
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now
Be with me now
Breath of Heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven
Lighten my darkness
Pour over me Your holiness
For You are holy
Breath of Heaven
Do You wonder as You watch my face
If a wiser one should have had my place?
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of Your plan
Help me be strong
Help me be
Help me
Breath of Heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven
Lighten my darkness
Pour over me, Your holiness
For You are holy
...Breath of Heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven
Lighten my darkness
Pour over me Your holiness
For You are holy
Breath of Heaven....
Breath of Heaven....
Breath of Heaven....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LC3FGjVQbd8
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